Finally Gone Insane

Kind of. I did an Insanity workout for the first time in about 10 days! YIKES!

So why do I love/hate Insanity? It’s TOUGH because there’s a lot of jumps involved. Why are jumps so darn excellent for your overall calorie-burn? Because it requires you to get your entire body off of the floor. It will even ask you to get your whole body as far off the ground as possible, which means it’s an explosive movement, meaning mega-torched calories.

I did the Insanity Max Interval Sport, which is 55 minutes and lots of fun! I think this is one of my favorite of the longer Max Interval videos because it changes up the “sport”, does standing and ground work, and hits every part of the body.

(source)

With that said, I still can’t do real push ups. I don’t think I know how to engage my chest muscles(maybe because I have NONE?) in the move, so my poor arms are trying to push up by themselves… and fail. Oh, well. Hopefully I’ll get there one day.

I consumed a green protein shake after and feel wonderful!

_______________

Time to confess… I have been eating so much since Monday. I don’t know why I can plow through stupid trail mix so easily. It puts me in such a pathetic and sad state where I don’t want to workout or move… I just wallow in my own sorrow for having no self control.

I know most people won’t understand this (you might be thinking, “Just eat when you’re hungry, and stop when your full, silly!”). But when you have a past riddled with eating disorders, there is a constant struggle with food. Why? We gotta eat to live! There are days when I see food as fuel, and I desire to fuel my body with the most nutritious foods.

When I was battling the eating disorders (especially when I was anorexic), I was a perfectionist. I had everything super neat, tidy, and I even organized my clothes and closet by color, size, etc. I was all OCD about all kinds of numbers (calories in foods, number on the scale, clothing size, number of hours I worked out, etc.). Now? Hey, my room is a mess… I’m CLEAN, but I sure am not neat.

Anyways, because I have that perfectionist attitude hovering over me from time to time, when I “fail” at something (such as eating something that is unhealthy), I just plunge head-first into that misery and beat myself up about it. I say to myself, “Well, Michelle… you’ve failed. Might as well go as deep as you can into your failure and try to be ‘good’ tomorrow.” and then I binge/overeat.

This all-or-nothing attitude is pretty toxic. I’m still learning, after all these years away from the eating disorders, how to deal with disordered eating. I pray that God will heal me completely where I will not be consumed by the idea of being “bad” if I happen to indulge, as well as seeing food for what it is… nourishment for the body.

I would appreciate it if you prayed for me as well.

[One reason I blog is to get these thoughts and ideas out there. These are topics that are not usually discussed. I know there will be at least one reader who struggles with things like this. If you ever want to share your story with me, you can email me at blessedwiththunderthighs@gmail.com. As you can see, I still struggle with these issues. It’s always nice to know you’re not on your own.]

_____________________________

HA, I’m so sorry if I ruined your bright morning. I’m going to hang out with my Vanna boo because she always makes me feel better 🙂

It is beautiful day for a walk. I think I’ll take Vanna for a stroll!

I have a sisters’ accountability and prayer (SAP) group meeting tonight! My next post will not be so dark and sad… but today, I just thought I would GET REAL.

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s