Just to See What Would Happen

Hey! It’s been a while, but I just wanted to let you know about our SoCal Trip!

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We always stay with Jay and Sunny (and their super cute daughter, Hannah). For lunch, we ate at California Fish Grill. It was the first time there for a few of us, and we were impressed with the portions!

I got the salmon salad (duh), and it was sooooo good!

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I ordered light because I had a feeling we would be getting something heavier for dessert.

I was right… 85 Degree Bakery!

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And I got even more crazy and ordered a Matcha Green Tea Red Bean smoothie!

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On NYE, we played yute (traditional Korean game based pretty much on luck… but we act like it’s about skill) and the boys won:

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I was also going around and checking people’s blood pressure (because there happened to be one there):

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BP: 113/64

Pulse: 50

Haha, I bet my pulse is in the 40’s when I’m doing absolutely nothing. BP? It usually lower, but I think it went up since gaining weight (I usually have low blood pressure).

For dinner we had make-your-own taco/burritos (with homemade guacamole and homemade salsa):

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IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR YOU… corn tortillas or flour tortillas? I’m curious to know what others would pick.

On New Year’s Day, we went to Joe’s grandma’s house for sebae (traditional New Year’s bow for the elders. Younger folks get monies and blessings and wishes from the elders). Hannah was dressed in a traditional hanbok:

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Afterwards, we went to the Block (which is called O.C. Outlets or something) and then went to dinner before heading back up to San Jose:

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Ojingeo bokkeum (Korean stir-fried spicy squid). It was mixed with the udon noodles and SUPER delicious!

And Joe had a good time during dinner 🙂

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^I was lucky enough to catch his real smile/laugh. HEHEHE.

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Okay. I still haven’t gone for a run yet. I don’t know why. I’m in a real funk.

Well during our time in SoCal, even though I really really wanted to work out, sometimes the timing didn’t work (we had to run on others’ schedules). So I let myself sleep in, ate whatevers, and just enjoyed the time with everyone.

I wondered why I felt so much guilt or shame for eating certain things or too much of something. Why did I feel so unfeminine? Who is the one that is making me feel bad for enjoying myself?

In the end, I AM the one who is putting the guilt on myself. I don’t think other people give a wild hoot what or how much I eat (though sometimes, they’re surprised how much I can put away). How come girls are expected to eat tiny portions and be all neat? I eat a lot and kind of messy so the sauce gets on my clothes and face. And that’s how I like it. 

When I was allowing myself to just let my body do what it wants (sleep in and eat what I wanted), I found that I don’t feel as bad about eating 10 french fries. I also stop at 10 french fries because that’s all I needed.

I just glanced back at what I wrote and it only kind of makes sense. Hope you get what I’m trying to say 😛

In conclusion, I didn’t set an alarm this morning, just to see what would happen. I slept until 11:40am today (went to bed around 1:30am). If you know me, then you know that this is a RARE occurrence. I’m usually up and about around 9:00am at the latest.

During this break, I’ll try to let myself rest, not make myself feel bad for eating a bit of something I want, and be KIND TO MYSELF. I am my harshest critic. I am my worst enemy.

I pull out all the guns on myself… guilt, shame, anger, meanness. I would never talk to other people how I talk to myself.

IT’S NOT RIGHT.

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On a lighter note (or still heavy, but in a different way, HAHA), Joe and I went to the gym last night.

He did chest, and I did lower body.

Squats: 4 sets of lighter weights (from 95 to 125#) with high reps (12 to 20).

Romanian Deadlifts: just 2 sets of 90# and 95#? Maybe 12 reps each.

Then I went for several sets of forward lunges, backward lunges, and side lunges. 

Last night, my quads and inner thighs were getting sore even 90 minutes after the workout!

This morning, my butt joined in for all the soreness.

It felt so good to work out again!

And I’m trying not to feel so bad for skipping several days of workouts and eating what I want. Funny thing is is that I still like to eat veggies and salads. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve convinced myself that I love salads or if I actually like it (but according to my older brother, I loved eating all vegetables from when I was a baby. I ate everything and wasn’t picky at all).

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OMG, this post is everywhere. The ramblings of an endorphin-starved girl.

Hope you’re enjoying the first week of the New Year!

2 responses to “Just to See What Would Happen

  1. You def deserve to be kind to yourself michelle! You seriously are awesome and have lots to love yourself about 🙂 and heart rate of 40’s-50 dang marathon girl!

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