I’ve been eating fries these days. I’ve been eating burgers (still no mayo because it sometimes gets weirdly soggy). I’ve been eating sugary deliciousness.
^(Umm, okay… I didn’t actually get to eat all of that because some of it was just WAY too sweet).
I’ve been eating chips. I’ve been enjoying celebratory drinks.
Yes, I still eat lots of fruits and veggies and make my plate super colorful, which is what I’ve always liked:
And even though I go overboard with these splurges, I have been feeling good about life 🙂
My weight is not a determinant of my joy and life satisfaction. My dress size does not dictate if I’ll have a good day or a bad day.
It’s weird but the more I let myself eat what I want, the less “power” I give that food. I ate a burger with fries at 10pm when we were in Vegas (and then fell asleep only 45 minutes after that). I consumed my own 2-entree thingy from Panda Express while we were on the road. In the past, I would sit there, consumed with regret and self-loathing for eating those foods.
Sure, those foods don’t make me feel physically energized or anything, but it doesn’t get me down in the dumps.
Having gone through so many eating disorders, I always wondered if I could just have a “normal” relationship with food. “Normal” is what I always desired. “Normalcy” seemed unattainable in the midst of my disordered eating behavior.
“Normal” for me right now is eating meals with a variety of color and letting myself eat what I feel like without judgment. I used to be a lot more critical of myself, but I have learned to stop being a bully… to myself.
With all of that being said, we had an amazing time in Las Vegas, celebrating my younger brother’s 25th birthday!
I feel like all we did was splurge, haha.
We enjoyed two FREE rooms (first night at Mandalay Bay with a free upgrade, and the second night at Aria. Actually it was more like FOUR free rooms because there was a room for the girls and for the guys on each night). It’s through the myVegas game on FB 😉
We also got to cut in line for the Bacchanal Buffet because it was Michael’s birthday! Woo hoo 😀
Can you imagine… if we were just eating yummy food all weekend long and I allowed myself to remain in self-pity and despair about eating too much or waking up slightly bloated??
Well honestly, I woke up feeling great on both mornings. Went to the gym both days with Libby (Michael’s gf). We didn’t stay over 45 minutes on either day… it was just a nice way to start the day. I felt like a “normal” person for working out less than an hour, and then enjoying the day with good food and good friends. I don’t know what… but this summer has been pretty good as far as how I feel about my relationship with food.
For anyone who is still struggling with disordered eating/eating disorders, I just want to offer this encouragement:
“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Cor 5:17
I found my healing through Christ and by sharing my story. I truly struggled every single day until I started this blog 2.5 years ago (my eating disorders were the worst in high school, and then I displayed all sorts of disordered eating patterns into my college years).
My self worth was tied to a number on the bathroom scale. I thought life would be better if I reached a certain goal size or weight. It’s just not true… there is no real “happy weight”. It’s just your weight. Don’t let your happiness be tied down to your weight… not to say that you should be content to stay in an unhealthy weight range… but you know what I mean.
Also, I used to think I was crazy. Everyone always told me that it was so simple: “Eat when you’re hungry, and stop when you’re full!” But I hated hearing that because I had lost all connection with intuitive eating. I realized later that what was a simple concept was not an easy practice for someone with my history.
If you’re also struggling, I hope you don’t think of yourself as a crazy person. You’ve just lost the connection… it will take a lot of time to connect with intuitive eating again, but as long as you seek healing and pray for recovery, you’ll slowly come out of the eating disorders/disordered eating.
If you didn’t know, my blog title is to express how joyful I am about how God created me. He gave me strong legs. Sure, it’s got some wiggle and some jiggle, but my legs help me run around and accomplish a whole lot of things. I used to view my lower limbs as monstrosities. I used to hate them so much, but now I feel blessed to have them.
I went off on several tangents, but I had a lot of time on the trails yesterday to reflect on all of these things!
Here are my recent workouts:
Last Friday: Rancho trail run… 16.0 miles (3:09). It was a super tough run… especially because I forgot to have breakfast. Luckily, I found a granola bar halfway through the run!
^Check out the elevation chart in green… I did the PG&E Trail twice (once clockwise, and then counter-clockwise).
Saturday: 30+ minutes on the elliptical at Mandalay Bay, and then 10+ minutes doing core work in the hotel room.
Sunday: 2 miles easy w/u run on the treadmill (19 min?) and then about 20 minutes of weights, all at the awesome Aria fitness center.
Monday: 35 minutes on the stairclimber (and about 1 mile of walking around school)
Tuesday: 8 miles Rancho trail run, 30 minutes on the elliptical, and about 15 minutes of core work with the stability ball.
Wednesday: 7 miles Rancho hike with Sarah
Good gravy, I have been doing some random workouts, but a lot of them revolve around Rancho San Antonio OSP. Love that place!
If you only had 30 minutes to spend at the gym, what equipment would you use? [Stairclimber… the never-ending staircase]
What is one food that you enjoy now (occasionally) that you used to avoid in the past? [Ice cream. Rice. Bread.]